Where I Go
by palomasnapples
Summary: Carlos' breathing slowed as he opened the door, as if nothing could come out of his chest but the breaths that kept him alive.


Carlos' breathing slowed as he opened the door, as if nothing could come out of his chest but the breaths that kept him alive, and the sight of Logan made it all come rushing back, the color on his cheeks, the fullness to his lungs, his calm hands beginning to shake and he licked his lips, trying to control himself but he was not the first one to lose it. Logan was inside the apartment within seconds, shoes covered in snow and cheeks flushed red from the cold and Carlos could feel it on his skin the second Logan touched him, cold hands grabbing onto his waist, tugging at his body until they were one, pressed together, body heat and nothing else between them as Logan swallowed, shivering lips whispering, "I'm sorry," and Carlos didn't care, couldn't do anything but let out this pained noise, flicking his tongue over Logan's chill mouth and whimpering, "Please," hands clinging to Logan's coat like a lifeline, and it wasn't far off.

The door was shut and clothes were off in seconds, Logan's pale and cold form becoming red and heated with the moment, ruby lips open and panting as Carlos was pressed, slammed on nearby walls, sharing wet kisses that were kept hidden for too long, Carlos' mewls being sucked into him, implanted inside for no one else to hear, the way he chanted, "Logan, Logie," like a song, a symphony that could not be broken, fingers locked in Logan's hair, tugging, angry, desperate, needing, pleading, "Please, now."

Logan locked their fingers together, pressing their hands on the familiar mattress until Carlos was absolutely panting for him and only him, chest heaving with the want, lips blood red as Logan kissed them, sucked on them with fervor like he needed nothing else and Carlos couldn't breathe, couldn't feel anything but Logan, anything but his hands and the way his mouth dragged over his skin, wet and sinful and red, marking him down to his stomach. Carlos was in a full body tremor and Logan was hot enough for both of them, teeth running over his feverish skin until Carlos was sobbing for it, whimpering for something more, hands stuck and immobile as Logan used his tongue, whispering "I'm sorry"'s over and over, imprinting it on the abused skin.

"Please," Carlos barely managed to whisper, fingers escaping Logan's grasp and locking onto his hair, and it wasn't a nice gesture, it was rough and a little mean and Logan could do nothing but take it, teeth baring in frustration as Carlos pulled him close, lips brushing together and the second it happened, the second their eyes locked, Logan could no longer handle it, his body beginning to shake and Carlos expected it, clinging to his pale, strong shoulders.

"Carlos," he said softly but his tone was strained like he was holding something terrible back, wanting to press down and ravage the boy under him until all he could remember was his name but something in the back of his mind said no, this is wrong and Carlos could feel it. He ran his fingers through Logan's hair and breathed, "Logan."

"Litos," he whispered back and Carlos could feel the tears on his own neck and he pulled Logan up again, his chest shivering with the sobs he wanted to imitate.

"No, stay with me."

Their eyes locked and Logan's burned with regret and want and he leaned forward for a kiss, wet and rough and harsh on both of them and he opened his eyes as he pulled on Carlos' lower lip with his teeth, a whimpering sound escaping his throat and Carlos clung to him, shivering.

"Stay. Just one more night."

And Logan sobbed with it, their bodies so heated where they pressed together and so cold where they were apart and Carlos still shivered under him like Logan was cold but he was the fire, the spark that started it all and would not burn out, not when Carlos begged for it, not when Logan knew it was right, the spark would not let out and Carlos craved it, chest trembling with the need for it and hips rolling with the desire for it and Logan gasped as if a hot flame had touched him, grinding down on it again. "Oh, please," Logan whimpered and Carlos panted against him, biting at his lips and digging into his skin until Logan was shaking with it, moaning into his mouth.

"I can't," he whispered and Carlos could feel the tears on both of their cheeks, not sure from which eyes they were from anymore and he whispered, "Please," once again.

"Litos," Logan managed and Carlos kissed him again, tears tangling with their tongues, their stolen breaths and desperate fingers and he breathed, "Just one more night. You can go back tomorrow, but please."

And Logan whimpered at that, mouth open against Carlos' neck as he breathed.

"I don't want to go back," he said softly and it was so quiet that Carlos thought it was a dream, something he had only heard Logan say in his thoughts. He tugged on Logan's hair until they were face to face again, his eyes desperate for something, anything as he replied, "So don't."

Logan sighed, his face moist with the tears as he closed his eyes, pressing their noses together. "I wish I could stay."

And that's when Carlos felt it, the kick in his stomach that said it all; Logan was not going to leave her. It hurt so much, so much that he could not explain it, his fingers shaking as he ran them down Logan's neck, his pale skin, his strong shoulders and arms, cupping his jaw with both hands as their eyes locked. Logan would never be fully his, but he was here now, and Carlos would be lying if he said he didn't want to cherish this, their possible last, hurried moment. There was no need for arguing, and the look in Logan's eyes said they both agreed.

"I love you," Logan whispered and his voice trembled but his eyes were open, staring into Carlos and squeezing his hips, begging him silently, Please, please believe me.

And Carlos couldn't do anything but nod, his eyes filling to the brim with tears as they kissed in the warmth of his bed, his senses overwhelmed with nothing but Logan and his scent and his touch, his warm caresses and fiery kisses and Carlos breathed against his wet lips, murmuring, "I love you so much."

Logan closed his eyes, their lips still pressed together as he repeated quietly, "So much," pressing Carlos' fingers against the mattress as if he would never let go.


End file.
